Day … almost Month 2. but really 3. of 4.

Nothing worth writing about has happened up here in Alaska. At this point, even if I tripped over the hose in the yard and fell down smiling at the army of grass I would make it into a tale, but regretfully, that hasn’t happened.

I’m obsessed with wolves all of a sudden. Hence the picture in the last post.

How do you feel about a bagel in your mind?

I think I want to replace my pecs with some toast.

Oh, here’s a story. Not as good as me tripping into the yard, but a story. So Big Dave decides there’s too many trees around giving him the stinkeye. I think one of Alaska’s laws is “If Big Dave not intentionally planteth, then that plant shall be killed outright.” So I’ve been using every chemical short of Kim Jong Il’s piss on the weeds on the property since I got here. Weeds are easily defeated and not worth adversaries for the Man himself, so he has me do his bidding on those lil green bastards. Well Big Dave decides he wants a piece of the action so he decides to cut down a tree that has been pissing him off for a minute or two. The prick is a 60′ tall maybe-dead spruce.

Big Dave is one of the most intelligent guys I know, so it surprised me when he cut clear through the trunk with a chainsaw so the weight of the entire tree fell on the blade and stayed standing. Next Big Dave gets the biggest damn crowbar I ever seen and wedges the tree vertically off the stump. I knew exactly where the tree was going to fall before he even started cutting it, and I’m not even smarter than a 5th Grader.

Once it was knocked off its base, the scrawny giant bounced off the branches of the tree next to it (where it was supposed to fall) and came back directly in the house’s direction. It missed it by like 5 feet though, so that’s where this story sucks. I don’t have the energy to lie about anything else.

Speaking of not lying, I made a tennis court out of a whale that I trapped the other day.

A creature cannot learn that which its heart has no shape to hold.

Cormac McCarthy writes in the way that I think, I think.

I don’t know who the hell Jon nor Kate is.

That little girl is too nonchalant for her situation.